Ask Shia's Advice #3

Dear Shia,

My aunt constantly tells me that I am fat.  She makes hurtful remarks about my appearance and will grab food away from me while I am eating.  I have even overheard her telling her friends about how "fat" I am.  I don't want to be mean and tell her look who's talking (since she could lose a few pounds) but how do I get her to get off my back?

Apparently I'm Miss Piggy

Dear Apparently I'm Miss Piggy,

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be

necessary from time to time to give that stupid or

misinformed beholder a black eye."

Miss Piggy's Guide to Life

Let me start off first with saying how sorry I am that someone has said such hurtful things to you.  It can be especially hard hearing this from someone close to you.  I personally hate that F word.  I think your aunt thinks she is being helpful instead of hurtful.  I think she cares about your well being and since you stated that she might have a weight issue of her own she probably just doesn't want you to grow up and have the same pains that she has but I think she is just totally going about it the wrong way.  

If you are wanting to lose weight, maybe the next time she makes comments mention to her that you AND her should look into eating healthier or working out more or even just walking in your neighborhood.  If she immediately goes on the defensive you can then say to her...see that is how you make me feel but about a million times worse because you called me that horrible F word. 

If you aren't wanting (or needing) to lose weight and she calls you F again.  Just say to her...do you realize that when you say that it is hurtful?  It will bring it to her attention and she will undoubtedly apologize.  I mean who wants to hear that they hurt someone's feelings?  If she justifies her hurtful words with more hurtful words then tell her that you appreciate her concern but you aren't looking for any weight loss tips from her.  That she is your aunt and she should love you and support you no matter what.  Then leave the room.  Again...I can't see her not running after you to hug you and apologize but sometimes as Miss Piggy says above...beholders can be stupid and misinformed.

In both instances you wake her up to the situation.  Chances are she's not doing it to be mean and she will apologize and stop.  Worse case scenario, if she doesn't stop because she is doing it to be hurtful (heaven forbid) then go to your mom and tell her how it is making you feel.  Your mom will definitely have your back if you stress to her that you would prefer that this not be an issue that your aunt gets up on her soap box about.  If you aren't comfortable in saying something to your aunt perhaps your mom can talk to her.

I hope I gave you some tips on handling this situation and just know that the F word does NOT define you (or anyone) as a person...no matter if someone says it to you or you say it to yourself...it is wrong because there is so much more to you (and everyone else) than that horrible F word!

Email me and keep me posted!  If it all fails then...looks like someone's about to have a black eye...

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