Secrets Equal Lying?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Is keeping a secret from someone close to you the same as lying?

Once I got a speeding ticket and I didn't tell Paul because I was going to have a friend take it to Traffic Court for me.  I thought...I'll get it cleaned up and THEN I will tell him.  Well I forgot (since I hadn't had a ticket in awhile) that when you get a speeding ticket you get TONS of junk mail about taking a traffic school course to have the points removed.  Needless to say, Paul found out by checking the mail and then was pretty upset with me for not telling him.  I wasn't necessarily not telling him for any particular reason.  I just thought...why tell him now.  He said keeping secrets was like lying and that we have to be able to have trust.  Seriously I thought he was blowing it way out of control but I guess keeping secrets can be a slippery slope.

So what if your friends are keeping secrets?  Is it the same as keeping it from your partner or family?  Is it breaking the trust of the friendship?

I recently found out that a really good friend was keeping a pretty big secret from me.  I am torn as to what to do?  Should I be hurt?  Does it mean she doesn't value our friendship?  Should I say something to her?  Will it just become a big huge mess if I do say something?

I am the first to admit that forgiveness can be a long process for me.  I just get really upset when people I care hurt me.  I usually just cut toxic people out of my life once they become extremely toxic but I ultimately never cut out the people I care matter what.  I mean sure I'll get upset but aren't most relationships equipped with unconditional love.  

Not sure what to for now I will do nothing and just let her continue living with her secret.  Isn't ultimately her life so she can do whatever she wants?  


  1. Hey girl,
    Honestly, I believe keeping something from someone you care about is the same as lying to him or her. When I was 19, I was in a four-year relationship with this really crappy person. Through out the relationship, he did drugs and had lied to me about doing them and other stupid petty things. However as time progressed the lies got worse and I new something else was up. Finally, I found out he was cheating on me and left his ass then and there... but what really sucked was that my best friends knew about it a whole month before I found out AND DID NOT TELL ME. I found out from some really scummy person and my own friend didn't have the guts to rescue me from an extra month of pain and torture. To this day, I will never forget that...

    Of course, I don't think hiding a speeding ticket is as bad as that, so he should cut you a little slack! =] Everyone hides little things here and there once in awhile. As long as it isn't at anyone dispense, really, I don't think it is that big of a deal. Right?


  2. p.s. You can always forgive.... but never forget!!


  4. hmm...this is a difficult question. I'm really not sure. I am one of those guilty ones that sometimes keep secrets from my best friend. Why? Because I think sometimes some things are better left unsaid if it is going to hurt the person. Just my personal opinion


  5. You have got a brilliant blog! Great post too! Very inspired! You're pretty impressive! Looking forward to more posts and have a great week!!! :-) :-) :-)

  6. You know, I agree on principle with Paul... but I don't really blame you for not telling him about the speeding ticket. I think I'm pretty good at excusing myself from my own rules.

  7. It would all depend on what she kept a secret from you love. Is it big? small? meaningful

    to you? ... think about all that first before making a move.

    MELINA ♥


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