Wednesday, November 11, 2009

"Scary Movies"

Okay I couldn't let this post go to waste. I had originally wanted to post this on Halloween but trick or treating with my niece was way more important. So instead I thought I'd relate it to how scary movies aren't so scary anymore. The scary movies are just the same old story OVER and OVER again. Sure if you are young and in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL (ahem BETH) you might be scared however now there's no really edge of the seat, nail biting, clutching the pillow, holding your breath moments because they have been done so many times the same way you know what to expect.

ZOMBIE
I love a good zombie movie but ever notice how in all zombie movies the people are totally clueless as to what is happening. No one thinks wait those are zombies....RUN or aim for their head. Also there is ALWAYS that one person in the group that gets bit and doesn't tell everyone thinking that they are not going to change and guess what....5 to 10 mins later they are attacking the group. Good one genius! But the fun of a good zombie movie is that it can make you wonder if you would be a survivor. Would I kick zombie butt? Where would I hide? What would I do instead of these morons? How would I find food, guns, bullets, etc. Also you think, the second I see at least two people walking down the street dragging their leg or appearing to be sleepwalking, I'm boarding up my house!

VAMPIRES
There's always a dark (duh) romantic kind of feel to a vampire movie. There's always that person with the no no NO I'm not going to drink your vampire blood then oh yum more more with some weird sexual undertone vibe. Unlike zombie movies, the rules for vampires can change according to the story line whether they can be in the light, super strengths, weaknesses, how they can be killed, if they turn into bats, etc. (come on in Blade they could wear SUNSCREEN and go into the sun). Vampire movies also make you ponder the what if. What if I was a vampire? What would it be like to live forever? To see every turn of the century? The rise and fall of men and society...a historian's dream ... right? How would you survive without feeding on humans? Would there be True Blood? (If you haven't seen this show on HBO check it out it's really good!) For the creepiest vampire movie out there check out Shadow of a Vampire it is a movie about the making of Nosferatu, A Symphony of Terror (1922) which in itself is pretty scary for 1922 silent movie.

WEREWOLVES
I will honestly have to say that werewolves/lycans are my least fave. It's just a big drooling hungry wolf. Sure they're fast and they have super strength. So what just shoot them and move on.

WITCHES
More work needs to be done in this category. Off the top of my head, the only witch movie that I can think of that has any merit is The Craft. Other than that you got a good witch and a bad witch in the Wizard of Oz, Hocus Pocus, Practical Magic, and Bewitched....all LAME to the idea of scary movie. Again, I am sure back in elementary school a child might be afraid of the bad witch from the Wizard of Oz but we're talking adults watching HORROR films. Witches need some work!

CRAZY PSYCHOS
Okay here is the category that has the most potential. I can seriously get creeped out by a good crazy psycho film because...THERE ARE TONS OF CRAZIES OUT THERE!! Hills Have Eyes, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Rob Zombie films (these are the most disturbing) all have total creep out factors. Yes most of these movies have been remade but even the originals were creepy! Because psychos are scary! So fill up your gas tank on long drives through the boonies people...these psychos are FOR REAL!

SUPERNATURAL
(Hauntings, ghosts, bogeyman, exorcisms, etc.)
Let me just start off by saying that I watched the Exorcist when I was in my mid 20s and going to college living alone. I thought oh a scary movie from the 70s bleh how scary could it be. I literally had to sleep with the closet light on. These movies can truly be hit or miss. I mean The Ring was a good movie. Part 2 not so much. (Speaking of The Ring, I was once watching this movie for like the millionth time and right when the phone rang on the movie after the movie ended .... my cell phone rang at the same time, I will admit it made me jump and who was it? Nicole! We laughed so hard about that. Plus Nicole found it hilarious that she scared me because when she was young she would hide under the blankets in my bed and I would come in my room from like taking a shower and I get dressed and then she would jump up out of the bed and scary the crap out of me and she always thought that was hilarious. I seriously never could figure out how she wouldn't blow her cover by laughing. She would hide there for a long time waiting for the perfect moment to jump up and scary the be-jesus out of me. Um no Nicole heart attacks are not fun!) Face it all the movies about haunted houses...yawn.

I've watched two "scary movies" recently Drag Me to Hell and The Orphan. I remember seeing the preview for Drag Me to Hell and being like ooooh that looks like it has some promise. The movie wasn't scary at all. In fact it was comical at some parts. As for The Orphan, it's the same old tale weird kid gets adopted ... yada yada yada BUT there's an actual twist on the end. Honestly we did a lot and I mean A LOT of fast forwarding to get to the end but at the end it was like okay at least it wasn't the same old same old exactly there was some originality.

The thing that I find hilarious is that I have mentioned like 20 movies in this blog and therefore I have to link credit to them but horror movie writers can give you the SAME movie over and over again with a different title and that's okay. REALLY? With all of the advancements in television, graphics, CGI, etc. it is time to make a truly terrifying scary movie!


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